TEN Reasons Numbered Posts Are So Yesterday

Who doesn’t love making a list then ticking it off, or as I like to do, getting out a ruler and drawing a nice, neat line right through the middle. Twice.

When did numbered lists become the Kanye of blog posts? Continue reading “TEN Reasons Numbered Posts Are So Yesterday”

I Traded In My Rose Colored Glasses And This Happened

[Author’s Note: I usually embrace humor in my writing. Because who doesn’t love a good snort of ginger ale up their nose? This is a serious piece about my emotional state, past and present. You don’t need to read it. But I so needed to write it.]

I was never a big fan of Facebook. I was into blogging and tweeting and life was good. Until it wasn’t anymore. Continue reading “I Traded In My Rose Colored Glasses And This Happened”

I Don’t Like This. Can We Stop Now?

I’ve lived my entire life in a part of the world where there is serious winter weather.

And somehow over the years, I’ve managed to convince myself that the six months of lovely, warm, for a few days smoking hot, with an acceptable number of sunny days, weather that arrives in May and lasts through to October (sometimes November) is worth the misery of the other five to six months when it’s cold and windy and snow arrives weekly. Continue reading “I Don’t Like This. Can We Stop Now?”

Where I Get Serious For Once

After yesterday’s post on inspirational quotes and images, I decided to get on the meme bus and learn how to make my own.

I bet you’re expecting some highly sarcastic, acerbic, slightly offensive words of wit accompanying an image of Karl Urban* in a suit. Or naked.

WRONG! I win!  Continue reading “Where I Get Serious For Once”

The Search For My Words

I’ve been a blog-lite blogger lately. Oh, yeah. And by “lite” I mean about 1000 miles away from being motivated to move fingers over my keyboard.

Having your marriage shit-canned by a bad guy douchebag can have that affect on a person. But, hey! On the plus side, he’s now someone else’s problem.

But it’s been hard, sitting at my laptop to have this happen:

[blank…blank…blank…repeat] Continue reading “The Search For My Words”

Interview with a vampire: it’s a whole big sucking thing this Halloween

The Assignment: Interview with a Halloween celebrity (originally published on Long Awkward Pause and reposted here because I can)
The Subject: The Master, from the hit television series — Buffy, The Vampire Slayer
The Interviewer: Me (blood type: AB-negative — Just. In. Case.)

We've got from dusk 'til dawn. So why don't you move a little closer?
We’ve got from dusk ’til dawn. So why don’t you move a little closer?

I couldn’t line up a monster who walks by day. Sunny sidewalk café, glass of wine, a little Brie. Scads of people…lovely. He had to be a vampire who lives at the ass end of nowhere. And now I’m lost. And late. And talking to myself. I wonder if I’m dressed right? Turtle-neck, thick scarf, necklace of garlic, holy water blessed by the homeless guy with the Praise Jesus sign. He looked like he knew what he was doing with his hands waving across his chest, screaming “Holy Mother of God!” every few minutes. Okay, stop. Take a breath. Here’s the street and there’s his house. Holy shit, nice digs…wonder who did his landscaping? Right. Park and get out. Out. Out of the car. Fuck, you’re not scared, are you? Stop talking to yourself and move it.

Master: Sweetie! You’re running a bit late but not to worry, I’m serving up a little something in the sitting room. Straight through and to your left. May I take your…wrap?

BD: Oh, please! (No. NO! Remember the neck.) Actually, no, I’ll keep the scarf. Sorry I’m late.

Master: We have all night. Are you sure I can’t take your…wrap? I keep it quite warm.

BD: [firmly grasps scarf] I’m good. Fine. Lead the way!
[sound of footsteps]

BD: I like your furniture. Not sure about all the white…

Master: The covers are removable. Makes for easy cleaning. Please, sit. Glass of wine? I’m afraid I only drink red…room temperature.

(Christ, I could use a glass of wine. Just to calm my nerves. Wait. Did he say red?) Continue reading “Interview with a vampire: it’s a whole big sucking thing this Halloween”