Blogging, Humor

TEN Reasons Numbered Posts Are So Yesterday

Who doesn’t love making a list then ticking it off, or as I like to do, getting out a ruler and drawing a nice, neat line right through the middle. Twice.

When did numbered lists become the Kanye of blog posts?

Numbered lists seem to be the itemized notes de jour of online media.

Everywhere you go, someone’s put together a “Reasons Why” or “How To” or “Must Have” list that features numbers. It’s like they’re saying you’re a bad person if reading 106 ways to flambé a chicken is NOT the most important thing you’ll do all day. Too much choice, like too much of anything, is harmful to your (mental) health.

I’m confused enough deciding what side to part my hair in the mornings. Continue reading “TEN Reasons Numbered Posts Are So Yesterday”

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Blogging, Humor, Life

I Don’t Like This. Can We Stop Now?

I’ve lived my entire life in a part of the world where there is serious winter weather.

And somehow over the years, I’ve managed to convince myself that the six months of lovely, warm, for a few days smoking hot, with an acceptable number of sunny days, weather that arrives in May and lasts through to October (sometimes November) is worth the misery of the other five to six months when it’s cold and windy and snow arrives weekly. Continue reading “I Don’t Like This. Can We Stop Now?”

Blogging, Humor

Where I Get Serious For Once

After yesterday’s post on inspirational quotes and images, I decided to get on the meme bus and learn how to make my own.

I bet you’re expecting some highly sarcastic, acerbic, slightly offensive words of wit accompanying an image of Karl Urban* in a suit. Or naked.

WRONG! I win!  Continue reading “Where I Get Serious For Once”

Blogging, Humor, Life

The Search For My Words

I’ve been a blog-lite blogger lately. Oh, yeah. And by “lite” I mean about 1000 miles away from being motivated to move fingers over my keyboard.

Having your marriage shit-canned by a bad guy douchebag can have that affect on a person. But, hey! On the plus side, he’s now someone else’s problem.

But it’s been hard, sitting at my laptop to have this happen:

[blank…blank…blank…repeat] Continue reading “The Search For My Words”

Blogging, Humor, Life

Why I No Longer Buy Designer Jeans

I no longer buy designer jeans.

[pause for shocked reaction and/or muffled snort of laughter]

It was an extremely difficult decision to make.

However, after much internal debate, bending and twisting into all three of the yoga poses I know, running up and down the numbers in my bank account, two full pitchers of martinis (with matching olives) and flipping through my 1,297 back issues of Vogue, I came to the conclusion that I can no longer pull off this look all day, every day: Continue reading “Why I No Longer Buy Designer Jeans”

Blogging, Humor, Life

2016: My Year Of Hella No

What. A. Year. It began with a man I loved and a three month trip to Italy.

It ended with me finding out the man I loved is a lying cheater with no soul. Oh, and dead eyes. (I just realized this as I was writing this post.) A man who came with me on that trip to Italy just so he could “hook up” with the wife of a couple we met on our first trip to Italy. After a year and a half of sexting, and texting, and secret emails, and private Skype calls, I finally found out what was going on and he’s no longer part of my life.

(I’ll wait while you scrape off that mental layer of eww.) Continue reading “2016: My Year Of Hella No”

Blogging, Humor

Interview with a vampire: it’s a whole big sucking thing this Halloween

The Assignment: Interview with a Halloween celebrity (originally published on Long Awkward Pause and reposted here because I can)
The Subject: The Master, from the hit television series — Buffy, The Vampire Slayer
The Interviewer: Me (blood type: AB-negative — Just. In. Case.) Continue reading “Interview with a vampire: it’s a whole big sucking thing this Halloween”

Blogging, Humor

DEAR NETFLIX: PLEASE STOP TELLING ME I LIKE BOLLYWOOD MOVIES

The saying, “you get what you pay for” isn’t always true. I once won the low bid at a bachelor’s auction and can say with some measure of certainty — don’t judge a book by its cover, and good things come in small packages. IfyouknowwhatImean.

After being a Netflix subscriber for a while now, I’ve reached the conclusion I’d rather stand in line at the movie theater — freezing my ass off — casting the evil eye on nasty little line cutters and trying not to weep when the cashier tells me the price for two tickets. All that would be worth it because lately, Neflix has been letting me down. Continue reading “DEAR NETFLIX: PLEASE STOP TELLING ME I LIKE BOLLYWOOD MOVIES”