Why I No Longer Buy Designer Jeans

I no longer buy designer jeans.

[pause for shocked reaction and/or muffled snort of laughter]

It was an extremely difficult decision to make.

However, after much internal debate, bending and twisting into all three of the yoga poses I know, running up and down the numbers in my bank account, two full pitchers of martinis (with matching olives) and flipping through my 1,297 back issues of Vogue, I came to the conclusion that I can no longer pull off this look all day, every day: