Tourists say the darndest things!

Blogdramedy here reporting “live” from the sunny east coast of Sicily. When did backpacks become the go-to travel accessory of over 65-year olds? Why do the packs never match what they are wearing? Do they know they’re all hunched over like Quasimodo?

It makes my brain hurt.

Against all odds, NWR (The Nudge Wink Report) management approved my travel request but, so far, are refusing to cover the cost of all this in-depth investigative snooping. I’m starting to think they just wanted me out of the office.

But forget that. Let’s run through the checklist:

Hung over? No.
Getting enough sleep? Yes.
Too much coffee? Never.
Freaking out about eruptions from Mount Etna? Ever so slightly.
Embarrassed by fellow tourists? Of course.

I mean…really? REALLY? Maybe I missed something. Like the circus was in town? It’s possible, right? Oh, yeah. No.

Image by Blogdramedy…once the shock wore off.

Just as I was recovering over lunch with a nice glass of wine, I read this while booking a hotel room for our trip up to Rome.

“…breakfast was typically Italian fair which doesn’t cater for western diets, wifi was terrible, TV was Italian only…” — found on Trip Advisor

Which made me wonder…then why Italy?

This led me to googling tourists and the things that come out of their mouths after they disengage their brains. Or after deciding to give up coffee. Or, I don’t know, wearing their ball caps too tight?

A man who went to the Costa del Sol complained that there was too much food to eat from the buffet in his all-inclusive hotel. As a result, he put on ‘at least 5lbs’ during his trip, which he wasn’t too pleased about.

“Does the water go all the way around the island?”

“Is there anyone here who speaks Australian?”

Frustration turned to fury for one visitor after finding out their Gucci handbag, purchased for $20 at the markets in China, was not real.

“Why did the queen build Windsor Castle so close to Heathrow Airport?” — Asked by an American tourist in England.

I know how he feels…OMG.

“I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”

“It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallarta to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time — this should be banned.”

“On my holiday to Goa in India , I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food.”

“We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price.”

“The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.”

“We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow.”

“They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax.”

“No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared.”

“Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers.”

“We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish.”

“The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide-book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun.”

“It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair.”

But wait, Stephen. There’s more!

“I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends’ three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller.”

“The brochure stated: ‘No hairdressers at the resort’. We’re trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service.”

“There were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners.”

“We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning.”

“It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.”

“I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes.”

“My fiance and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”

Another traveller wanted to move rooms as he insisted the air conditioner was making strange noises, only to eventually discover the sounds was coming from an electric toothbrush in his own suitcase.

“Don’t lie to me. I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state.” — An irate man to a travel agent, after returning from a trip to Orlando. The man was upset because his hotel room did not have an ocean view.

One man said he was unhappy about the fact that he had not been able to fully enjoy his holiday to Portugal. His hotel bed was ‘too comfy’ meaning that he overslept on more than one occasion when he would have ‘preferred to be up early and making the most of it.’

Okay. This is only a cartoon. This would NOT happen in real life.

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What about you? Have any funny travel stories to share?