I believe that Marvin The Martian is an under-rated cartoon character.
I believe saying “I love you” can sometimes be code for “you’re a shithead but I love you anyway.”
I believe that if you butt selfie more than once, even as a joke, you can’t sit on any furniture in my home.
I believe “would you like fries with that” should never be said in the form of a question.
I believe I will miss Jon Stewart and his daily dose of reality.
I believe constantly interrupting people is unbelievably rude.
I believe that, sometimes, there are too many olives and too few martinis.
I believe signing up on a sugar daddy dating site is really kinda icky.
I believe that coke belongs in a glass, not up your nose.
I believe in giving gifts for no particular reason.
I believe spring will arrive. Eventually.
I believe that reading Somerset Maugham’s short stories can change your life.
I believe that songs should be more than seven words repeated over, and over, and over, and over.
I believe in a woman’s right to choose. Anything she damn well pleases.
I believe that smiling can really piss off some people.
I believe you should never show up without calling first.
I believe the earth is round.
I believe my daughter is amazing.
I believe guns do not belong in the home.
I believe you don’t always have to share your chocolate.
I believe making a seven-figure salary running a non-profit is criminal.
I believe in naps.
I believe we all need to unplug from our devices more often.
I believe that cilantro is the devil’s spice.
I believe we need to stop with the numbered headlines already.
I believe that if you don’t use your turn signal, you are an idiot.
I believe in dancing your ass off.
I believe you can wear skinny jeans at any age.
I believe men look way hotter in boxers.
I believe I do not need a second double espresso this morning.
What do you believe?